Two weeks to go

It's two weeks to go until my first event and I've been thinking about Mum a TON lately - I think about her a lot, but lately thoughts of her have been creeping in when I least expect it.

During tough work outs, I start thinking about all the things we had planned to do this Summer - Mum and Dad were supposed to stay with us. So many things planned, I was looking forward to going back to teaching Spin classes in the mornings (at "Oh-Dark Hundred! Ha!) and getting the opportunity to spend my evenings and weekends relaxing with my folks. My Mum has never seen me finish a race, and she was excited to be here for my first event. I think about all of these things, and a flash of anger races through me and I contemplate about how cruel and unfair life can be. Why my Mum? She was one of the best people you could ever meet - and you're probably thinking that I'm biased, but I swear to you, that you could ask any person that has ever met my Mum and you will never hear a bad word be spoken. Her effect on people was so profound that you never forgot her.

A flash of anger races through me, and then vanishes almost immediately. Mum wasn't the kind of person who held on to anger and bad feelings. If she was ever mad at anything or anyone, it was over so fast you almost missed it. She always believed in not holding a grudge and always worked so hard to take care of her family and friends. She was amazing.

I've been working so hard for the past few weeks, both in my training and at Lexus. I feel blessed to be given opportunities for success in both areas and plan to give 100% of my energy to both. Kind of sounds impossible, right? How can I focus 100% on both? It's not easy, but definitely not impossible. When you depend on your workmates as your family and your sanity check - it enables you to be successful in other areas of your life. I'm incredibly lucky to have the most amazing team at Lexus and it's their support that enables me to get out of bed at 3am or so, and still have a ton of energy to power my way through my day. Thoughts of Mum also help me remain focused in both training and work - I wonder a lot if she's near me, watching me and if she's proud of me. I try to hold each of my actions and decisions to the "Issy Test" - if it's what Mum would have done, then it's the right thing to do. Mum's moral compass always pointed true, so I believe that my "test" is completely fool proof.

So, throughout my day, thoughts of Mum creep in and I welcome them. It allows me a brief millisecond to re-set and re-group. A flash of a memory of my childhood, of her with my son, of her in her hospital bed - these are all images that now enable me to better define the course of my day, my week - my life. It's incredibly important to me that I do the right thing, for the right reasons and knowing that Mum will continue to be that little added "litmus test" makes me feel that she's close by, making sure that I never step out of line!